PDF-based horoscope explains Britney’s marital miscue

During the first weekend of 2004, musical pop tart Britney Spears set a new low-water mark for the shortest celebrity wedding of the young millennium, marrying an equally clueless boyhood friend ‘as a joke’ early Saturday, then having the impromptu marriage annulled at the first opportunity this morning.

Had the now-blushing former bride had the good sense — and granted, that appears to be a stretch — to download and launch a copy of the free Adobe Reader, and then visit the Web site of Horoscope Services Limited, she might have realized the stars were not in alignment for making such a personal commitment at this time.

The UK-based company, which has developed ‘a unique system for producing horoscopes for the Media,’ claims its system is ‘is unrivaled, in terms of it’s accuracy and presentation.’ Accordingly, they invite visitors to test drive a free horoscope demonstration in order to ‘be amazed at it’s speed and accuracy.’ Also available for download on the demo page are a set of samples.

Another option is to download and peruse several additional PDF-based samples on the site’s order form page, including a Personality Report [PDF: 81kb] and a Personal Year Forecast [PDF: 68kb]. Coincidentally — we think — both 20-pus-page examples were created using Britney Spears as the sample personality of choice. And like any good horoscope, these offer the sort of astrological generalities that can easily be viewed as relevant to some aspect of a person’s life or situation.

Britney Spears horoscope in PDF

The sample ‘Personal Horoscope for Britney Spears,’ which includes an astrological birth chart [shown above] representing the apparent personalized (‘a unique blueprint of your personality’) interaction of planets, signs and houses, cautions that a lack of understanding of combinations and alignment can lead to problems:

‘If you are not conscious of these inner conflicts, they will be confronted through seemingly ‘fated’ external events or in relationships with others, particularly when the planets involved are activated by transits.’

Spears’ allegedly can have — under the right/wrong alignment — a tendency for impulsiveness, according to the report, which says that:

‘You have an energetic approach to life, and a frank and direct approach to others. You can show a great deal of courage and a willingness to plunge into anything without too much hesitation. However, sometimes giving things a little thought before you rush headlong into action would be in order. Being so impulsive, you can also occasionally be blind to the needs and feelings of others.’

And speaking of impulsiveness, one might find an explanation for the sudden changing of the mind in another passage regarding the singer’s alleged habits:

‘There is a tendency for you to think about your feelings, rather than instinctively acting on them, or actually feeling them. There’s a mixture of openness to the new, combined with a stubborn resistance to change. You value personal freedom and independence, but this can lead to problems in your emotional life, which you’ll probably rationalize away anyway. You prefer not to dwell on past emotional difficulties or conflicts, preferring to be open to future possibilities, but your emotions don’t always obey your thoughts.’

… and in another on emotional balance:

‘Your emotions can occasionally be rather fiery and unstable. There seems to be a conflict between your need for emotional support and sharing, and a need for independence. The end result being that you often swing between feelings of dependence and independence, enthusiasm and depression. At times you may also have some difficulty in balancing your personal responsibilities with your professional ambitions, causing conflict within yourself and with those closest to you.’

Of course, as with most horoscopes, there are other passages that seem misaligned with the present circumstances, such as the following noting Spears’ alleged ‘capacity for love,’ as follows:

‘You have a rather conservative and practical approach to relationships. You’re generally attracted to people who promise security and long-term commitment. You’re also capable of seeing the potential in your partner and pushing them to achieve the highest that they’re capable of. This may take some time and investment on your part, but you’re patient. You need to know where you stand at all times, from day to day arrangements, to long term plans and goals. It takes some time for you to trust enough to allow others to get close to you, but when you’re able to relax, others see the warm sensuous side of your nature.’

Given that the demo on the Horoscope Services site requires one to enter not only a birth date, but also preferably also an exact time of birth, as the first step in obtaining a free sample chart, we have one question about the validity of the Spears’ samples. Do these ‘unique’ astrological assessments still hold true if, as indicated on her now-revoked marriage license, her actual birth date is December 2, 1981 rather than the December 1, 1981 date shown on and used for these example reports?

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About the Author: Kurt Foss

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